


Hero

by engineer10349



Category: The Shannara Chronicles (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 09:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5739277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/engineer10349/pseuds/engineer10349
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set right after 1x04. Will does not exist. Or he does and I just never mentioned him. Amberle/Eretria - Princess Rover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero

Amberle had decided to stop their journey for lunch. They had encountered some nice looking berries along the way and she realized that now would be a good time for a break. It had nothing to do with hearing Eretria sound exhausted behind her. It had nothing to do with imagining that girl miserable, locked up in chains, all because of her. It had nothing to do with her worrying if this girl she barely knew was drinking enough, because she heard her ask for some water and the guards just laughed. 

Amberle looked for a few minutes to find the best berries that she could find, picked a handful, and then rushed over to Eretria. She tried to slow her pace down to a casual jogging, but she had a feeling even Eretria could tell that she was a little eager. Thankfully, Eretria said nothing as she fed her berries, one by one, trying very hard not to touch her face as she did so. She could tell the girl was still hungry, so she got her some bread from one of the guards, who didn’t dare object but looked at her strangely. 

Eretria looked somewhat broken, not even insulting Amberle and just looking thankful to be fed. Amberle broke her off bits of bread and put them into her mouth, this time touching her more and more, just to gauge her reaction. She didn’t seem to be bothered by it, Amberle noticed, and she thought that the other girl might even be leaning into her touch slightly. “You should eat some too,” said Eretria, closing her mouth. Amberle was touched by the concern, although she made sure not to voice it. She ate a quarter of it before Eretria would let her feed her again.

“If I get rid of your chains, will you run away?” Amberle asked.

“Maybe. Maybe not,” said Eretria, looking into her eyes far too long to be platonic. Amberle was relieved that she seemed to be less exhausted and was finally talking back a bit. Still, her eyes told her that she would stay, so Amberle released her and let her ride on horseback behind her. Eretria held on to her waist and smiled, only because she knew Amberle couldn’t see her do it, when Amberle inhaled sharply. 

They rode again for a while. Amberle couldn’t help but think how nice it was, having Eretria so close, touching her. She was a princess, she knew that she was expected to marry ‘noble blood’ for money or for an alliance. And she would, of course, do exactly that. She wouldn’t let her people down. She would make sure that they were fed even if she had to pay for the grain with her happiness. She would prevent soldiers dying for a useless war even if it meant that she had to die inside. It was the right thing to do. It was the burden that came with all of the privilege. 

Eretria liked being close to Amberle. She always had. And yet, in a way she didn’t. She hated everything that the girl represented. She was an Elf. She was a damn princess. And yet she couldn’t help how she felt. She was sure that Amberle would never really like her. Amberle was obviously attracted to her, but she didn’t want somebody who just thought she was pretty. She wanted somebody who wanted to be her girlfriend and marry her one day. And that could never be Amberle. It was nice though, being close to Amberle. She could stay like this for a while.

Dusk fell so they stopped to camp for the night. Amberle stayed by Eretria’s side the entire time, eating with her, talking with her. Eretria didn’t want to talk about herself, so she just asked Amberle questions about her life. She tried to sound like she didn’t resent her entire race, although she got the feeling that Amberle picked up on it. She listened to her stories about what it was like to be a princess though, with almost no mocking, and as Amberle opened up about the less fun parts Eretria held her hand, which was about when Amberle realized just how much she liked this girl. 

They had to go to sleep, so Amberle just led Eretria to her tent by the hand that she hadn’t let go of for an hour. Once inside Eretria stripped right in front of her and Amberle, once recovered from shock and returning her gaze to her eyes, handed her a comfortable large shirt to sleep in. To Eretria’s surprise, which was entirely pleasant, Amberle disrobed in front of her too, and then put on more comfortable clothes. They said nothing as they lay down on the makeshift bed, clearly not designed for two people, and cuddled close to make it work. Amberle had her arm around Eretria’s waist now, and she wondered if Eretria liked it just as much as she did. Part of her didn’t want to go to sleep at all, she just wanted to feel this, feel her, but she was tired so she closed her eyes.

Eretria was amazed at how quickly Amberle fell asleep. She was so trusting. Eretria knew that now seemed like a great time to escape. But she didn’t want to go. God, what the hell was she saying? She barely knew this girl. And yet, here she was, emotionally attached to somebody that would never give her what she wanted. Part of her thought that the best thing to do would be to run. But the other part, the part that had never really liked anybody before, was curious. What would it be like to stay? Just for one more day. Just to know what it felt like to wake up with somebody who meant something to you. 

Amberle woke up first. It was daybreak, it was time to go. Eretria was a big fan of sleeping in and when Amberle nudged her awake she growled and tried to go back to sleep. “You have to get up! Eretria! Come on!” Amberle yelled, eventually resorting to tickling in order to get her up. Eretria still looked mad that she’d been woken up, but she looked at Amberle and her face softened somewhat.

“Yeah, okay, whatever. I’m up.” she huffed. She noticed that Amberle was already dressed, which was a somewhat disappointing realization, but God did she look good anyway. 

“I’m going to get breakfast. Come find me,” Amberle said, leaving her. Eretria thought again about if she wanted to run or not. She knew that she was going to leave eventually. She had no freedom here. Amberle had let her loose a little but it wasn’t true freedom since she couldn’t actually go where she wanted to go. She thought about the alternative though, and decided that for now at least she preferred it here to living with her father. 

She got changed and found Amberle, sitting by herself, who had gotten breakfast for her too. Amberle’s face lit up when she saw her and Eretria tried to hide her smile. She took the food and the two of them sat in comfortable silence, neither really having the courage to talk about all of the things they needed to talk about. Or alternatively do all the things they wanted to do that didn’t involve talking. But halfway through her apple, Eretria decided she was a lot of things but she refused to be scared, so she leaned in and kissed Amberle. She was surprised for a second, then kissed back, and then they both decided that this was far more fun than food.

Eventually they had to get moving, back on their epic quest or whatever, and Amberle rode with Eretria again. This time their bodies being so close felt far more comfortable than tension filled, now that they both knew the other liked them, and so Eretria just rested her head on Amberle’s shoulder and held her tight. Amberle relaxed under her touch, liking the feeling of the girl’s weight on her shoulder, and realized that maybe this whole thing would be worth it just to have found this girl. The girl she never could have seen herself with a week ago, and yet now she wondered if she could talk her grandfather into the idea. A Rover-Elf alliance might be worthwhile, right? 

Of course things had all been going so well, and that just couldn’t last. Three hours in, a mini-army of demons showed up. Amberle and the guards ran to fight them, but Eretria stayed on her horse. This was a great time to run. Everyone else was busy. She had a horse. She would never get a better opportunity. She knew Amberle liked her now, although she still wasn’t exactly sure how much. She doubted that the Elven Princess would ever marry her, regardless of her feelings. And if it couldn’t last anyway, it was better not to get attached at all. Then, she noticed that Amberle had been ganged up on by three demons and she galloped as fast as she could towards them.

She threw knives at two of them, both of which resulted in a kill shot, and the third was behind Amberle. She rode past them, threw a knife into the back of the final demon, heard it fall to the ground, and then continued riding away. She could hear Amberle shouting her name, but she willed herself to ignore the sound and ride faster, away from the sound that made her desperately want to go back.

Eretria had stamina that Amberle didn’t due to her harsh life, so she rode all day without stopping with ease. She was used to going a long time without eating, her father had often used it as a ‘discipline’ method whenever she did something that he didn’t like. She wondered if she really wanted to go back to him at all. She could just camp out in the woods by herself. There was safety in numbers, but she knew she was tough, so she decided to try actually being free for a change. She found a tent in one of the bags on the horse, along with a nice snack, so she made camp for the night and went to sleep, for the first time in her life that she could remember, alone. There was something very nice about it, not having to listen to other people’s conversations who just couldn’t go to sleep like a normal person, not having to worry about anybody coming in to hurt her, not having to talk. And yet she did miss Amberle. That had been nice. But she’d get over it. Over her. She had to.

Amberle had spent most of the day trying to deal with the aftermath of the attack. A few guards had died, and digging graves was in fact incredibly difficult and it dawned on her how real and serious this was. Others had sustained injuries, some more serious than others, and now that they were down a horse, mobility issues were even more problematic. And since she was unscathed, she had to walk. She had spent the last few hours of daylight looking for Eretria, but she had the feeling that she was long gone. Eventually she decided that they would just have to go towards their original destination, and hopefully they would find her along the way.

A month later and Amberle had seen more death than she ever thought possible. Half the guards were dead, the rest were severely injured and really unable to fight, although they tried anyway. They looked like they were just lining up to be slaughtered during most fights. Amberle, however, was still fine. She was the only person who could say that. Everyone kept jumping in front of blades to protect her, and she kept watching them die. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take. At this rate nobody would be alive to even reach their destination, let alone return. And then, just as she saw the sun go down, another wave of demons came at them. 

This was never going to end. Well, it was, but it seemed that it would end with all of their deaths. They were outnumbered. Outmatched. Everything was falling apart. She was never the hero that she wanted herself to be. She doubted that she was the hero anybody was hoping for, or the hero anybody needed. And then, suddenly, the demons started going down. The soldiers were just limping towards the wave, they weren’t doing anything. And yet somehow...

Then she saw it. There was another wave, coming from behind the demons on horseback. It looked like there was a whole battalion of people. There was one clear leader though, riding in front, yelling orders. Eretria. Amberle didn’t know how, or why, Eretria had come back for her leading a small army but she was so unbelievably happy to realize that she probably wasn’t going to die today. 

After the battle they met in the middle. Eretria was on a horse, Amberle’s horse, while Amberle was just standing, awestruck, looking at her. “I want my horse back,” was all Amberle could think to say. She wondered if Eretria had saved her because she wanted something. She was still confused as to why she left at all. None of which she wanted to share unless Eretria made it seem like it would be worth doing.

“Well you can ride with me if you want,” smirked Eretria. And that’s when Amberle broke. Because she knew it was safe to. She knew that Eretria did like her, she hadn’t just been playing her, and she came back to save her. She saved her from having to watch more people die. Amberle started sobbing, and Eretria immediately dismounted and held what she hoped was her girlfriend. “Jesus, you can have the horse back,” said Eretria, half-joking. She heard a laugh mixed with the sobs, and got the impression that this was going to last a while, so she got on the horse with Amberle and took her to their main camp.

They arrived at a huge camp, lined with what looked like armed soldiers. Amberle was still incredibly confused about what exactly was happening, but she decided to let that go for now. She was too lost in her own feelings right now to process anything else. Eretria carried her into her very large tent, big enough to be the kind of size Amberle was used to at the palace, although Eretria decided that the most comfortable place for them to be was on her (also very large) bed. “Okay so do you want to talk to me or do you want to cry some more?” asked Eretria sincerely, not trying to push. Eretria was sitting beside her, gently playing with Amberle’s hair, and Amberle leaned into her, resting on her chest.

“I just ... so many people died for me. And I was trying so hard to pretend to be the strong hero they thought I was, but I’m not ... I’m not like you,” mumbled Amberle.

“You don’t think you’re a hero? But I am? That is the funniest thing you’ve ever said,” said Eretria.

“You saved me.”

“You are the only person I’ve ever saved. You, though, you want to save everyone. You were willing to risk your life to go on this quest-thing. You are the hero. And okay, not everybody made it. But how many less would have made it if it was someone else in charge?”

“I think a lot more would have ‘made it’ if anyone else had have led them.”

“You can’t know that. And you can’t beat yourself up over ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’. Besides, your people can rest here, my people will escort you to where you need to go.”

“If you would’ve led them I bet more would’ve survived.”

“There you go again, thinking I’m the hero. Do you really think that’s what a hero is? Being the best at killing people? Or demons? Because if that’s your definition, sure, I’m it. But I think that heroes are the best at saving people, not hurting them. And that, that is all you.”

“I didn’t save them, though, did I?”

“You can’t save everyone. They were soldiers. They knew what they signed up for. Just like you. You’re not me, you care about them. I know that what I’m saying won’t make this better for you. But I hope that you understand, at least, that you are a hero.”

“How about this? I’ll believe I’m a hero, if you believe you’re a hero. And maybe we can both believe that we’re just two different types of heroes, and maybe the world needs both.” Eretria sighed.

“Okay, Princess. I’m a hero. You’re a hero. Everyone’s a hero.” Amberle had calmed down enough to finally need an answer to her curiosity. 

“Eretria, who exactly are ‘your people’?”

“Oh, right. Well, I ran into the woods after I ... left you. And anyway, a few days later Rovers found me and brought me to my father. He had me locked up, told me he’d sell me to the highest bidder. I escaped, killed him, and declared myself the leader of the Rovers. Killed anyone who disagreed. And then I just did a bit of recruiting.”

“And you convinced them to save me?”

“It’s not a democracy.”

“I see. So your like, the Rover Princess now?”

“Honey, I’m the Queen.” Amberle laughed at that. “Yeah, that’s right Princess, I outrank you now. In fact, if you married me, you’d be marrying up.” Amberle looked at Eretria and saw vulnerability that the girl hadn’t shown before.

“Marriage, huh? It’s a little soon to think about that, don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” Amberle watched the vulnerability fade into a facade of stoicism.

“But, since you brought it up, yes, a marriage to you would provide a real alliance in terms of good warriors, which seems useful, especially given the current situation with the demons. And, it obviously has the distinct advantage of being you, who I like, very much.” Eretria smiled, her stoicism fading. “So, if you escort me to where I need to go and return with me, you can meet my family, and, I mean, if you want, ask them for my hand in marriage.”

“I will never ask them for your hand.” Amberle’s face fell, she had been so sure that she felt the same way. “Because you can marry whoever you like and the only person I need to ask for permission to marry you is you.” Amberle smiled in relief. She didn’t really want to get into Elven politics with Eretria, and explain that they really would need royal permission before being engaged or she could be hanged for treason - sleeping with the enemy, or simply being married/engaged to one, was a very real, very serious offense. However, she decided they really didn’t need to get into all that now. And, to be honest, she liked to think that her family would approve of Eretria. The Elves could use the alliance, and based on what Eretria had accomplished in a month she would be a force to be reckoned with by the time that they returned. 

Eretria was well aware of Elven law, she had in fact been studying it somewhat in the past month. She had absolutely no respect for it, although she had a feeling that Amberle did. She never really understood how marriage had anything to do with a military alliance, or why it should be allowed that government kills people based on who they love, or why Elves felt it necessary to get parental approval to love someone. Regardless, she decided that she would bring it up at a later date if things worked out and they were heading in that direction.

“Honey,” Amberle started, using the word more as a test, unsure if they were really dating now or not. Eretria smiled, so she decided that it was okay. “Why did you leave?” Eretria looked at her for a moment, trying to phrase what she wanted to say carefully.

“I was your prisoner. That is not a situation I want to be in. So I escaped.”

“Did you feel like my prisoner when you kissed me?” asked Amberle, clearly concerned that maybe Eretria hadn’t really wanted it.

“Well yes.” Amberle’s eyes went wide. She opened her mouth to start apologizing but Eretria cut her off. “But I kissed you because I wanted to. I kissed you in spite of it, not because of it, if that is what you’re worried about. And I think the fact that I came back for you when I wasn’t your prisoner makes it abundantly clear how I really feel.” Amberle relaxed, she was right. 

“Now, I have a question. What exactly made you think it was right to take me prisoner?” Eretria tried to ask the question calmly, but there was a hint of bitterness she couldn’t quite get out.

“Well ... it was for the greater good. To save everyone I have to do this quest. And you have to be there. And besides, if everyone dies, you’d die too. So it’s still better for you, in the the long run.”

“I suppose.” She wasn’t entirely convinced, but she was willing to let it go. 

“So, why did you come back for me? The girl who took you prisoner?”

“Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I kind of like you.” Eretria smiled, but she could tell that Amberle wanted a more substantial answer. “I tried to forget you. I tried to move on. I took over a people and I am trying to make an empire. But I don’t actually care without you. I was just so empty. I’m so used to being unattached, and I usually like it, but I like being attached to you. I don’t usually attach to people, but then again nobody’s ever been nice to me before, so I guess I actually attach pretty fast. I was worried about you. Like, all the time. And so one day I just thought, ‘go get the girl.’ So I did.”

“You didn’t do it to save the world? Your world? The world you’d die without? Just a little?” asked Amberle, pleasantly surprised and yet slightly confused by her girlfriend’s motives.

“I keep trying to tell you, I’m not the hero. I did it to save you. Just you. Because I like you.” Eretria smiled, but deep down she wondered if their conflicting values would be a real problem at some point. Amberle, however, was so amazed that someone could do something like that out of affection. Affection for her. People had always treated her with respect, because she was their Princess, because it was their duty, because she could have them hanged. She was used to conversations about honor and tradition and making sacrifices for the greater good that she found Eretria’s attitude incredibly refreshing. 

“And I keep trying to tell you, you’re my hero.” That word still jarred on Eretria. Hero. She wasn’t a hero. She just wanted to be free. She just wanted the girl she liked. She just wanted to live in peace. But she was born into a situation where she couldn’t have peace, where she had to fight, because she refused to take the abuse, and so here she was, the all-tough leader of the toughest people in the realm. But she didn’t really want any of it. She wanted simple. She wanted a house. A comfortable, medium-sized house in a small town, not ridiculously small but small enough to have her own space, with a wife who loved her. She’d give anything for that life. But she knew she’d never have it, she knew she’d always have to fight, she knew things would always be complicated, she knew it’d be a miracle if this girl ever fell in love with her, let alone got her royal family’s approval. She didn’t want to be a killer, but she was, and she hated that she could be something that she so hated. She doubted that Amberle could ever do that. No, she’d die before going against her values. But Eretria could survive. It was her superpower. But she got the feeling that made her the villain rather than the hero.

Eretria had a feeling that Amberle thought that her circumstances had made her this way. This tough shell and willingness to do horrible things to survive. But it had been there since she was born. Had she have been born the Elven Princess, sure, she wouldn’t have killed anyone. She wouldn’t have had to. But she always could have. If it was necessary, if it was for her own survival. She wondered a lot if she was a bad person. The more Amberle told her she was the hero, the worse she felt. Amberle didn’t know the things that she’d done to obtain power and keep it. She’d been deliberately detail-light. But she’d done it. To save her. Sometimes she thought that doing horrible things to save somebody else instead of just herself made it better. She never really believed it though.

Amberle picked up on the silence and realized that Eretria’s mind had wandered. “Honey, talk to me,” said Amberle, concerned, wondering if she’d done something wrong.

“I just ... I don’t feel like a hero. I’ve done things. Bad things. So I saved you. It doesn’t erase the other things that I’ve done. Maybe I am your hero, but I’m not a hero. And I don’t want you to think that I’m someone that I’m not.”

“Well, I don’t feel like a hero either. Maybe nobody feels like a hero. Maybe nobody is a hero. We all know the bad things we’ve done. But we save somebody and to them, just to them, we’re a hero. But no real person can really live up to the hero standard. The best decision isn’t always clear. We can’t save everyone. Maybe heroes are just the people who try to live up to that standard, although sometimes they fail. Maybe hero is just a concept that people project onto people who help them. Maybe heroes are just too hard on themselves, and they should give themselves a break, because nobody’s perfect. I don’t know. But I like you for who you are, okay? I know you’ve done bad things to survive, and it’s okay. Really. I’m glad you survived. And since you’re going to help save the whole world, numerically the moral scales are definitely in your favor.”

Eretria lay down, and Amberle followed suit. Eretria tried to hold Amberle as close to her as she possibly could. She had never had anybody reassure her before. All she had ever heard was insults. And she wondered, for the first time, if maybe her perspective had been skewed all these years. Maybe she only thought horrible things about herself because she was repeating other people’s words. Maybe being around a whole person who liked her would make her like herself. She knew that her self esteem should come from herself, and not somebody else, but it was hard to believe something in spite of what literally everyone you’d ever met told you. Of course, that was far too much pressure to put on somebody, so she could never actually tell her girlfriend how much her words meant, so she just held her tightly, and hoped it made Amberle feel as loved as she did.

They didn’t mean to fall asleep, but they were both so comfortable, and they both finally felt happy and safe that they were out in minutes.


End file.
